I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
