dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
