yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
