Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
