I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
