Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
