Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
