I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
