Jerry, you need to find god
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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