Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
