i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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