Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
