what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
