the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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