Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
