I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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