This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
