I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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