he puts the penis in happiness.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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