I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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