Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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