Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
