I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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