theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize