My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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