i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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