every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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