I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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