I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
