I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
