i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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