The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
