you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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