i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
