Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
