Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
