Swine flu. Run for my life!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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