Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
