i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize