my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
