He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
