i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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