You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just gargled with NyQuil
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize