just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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