Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
