I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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