I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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