I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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