We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
