ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
