are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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