i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
