Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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