When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
