My friends, they love my intelligence
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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