I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
