I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
