margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
