Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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