dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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