dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
