Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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