I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
