there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
