Who wears a wallet chain?!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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