He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
