My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
