is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
