You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
