Did you just see the Batmobile???
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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