I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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