I molested 6 butterflies tonight
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
