Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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