Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
