I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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