people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
