Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
