Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
