READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
