It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
