my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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