is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
