im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
