I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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