so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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