Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
