i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
