Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize