Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
