When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
