spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
