I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
