the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
