TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
