we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
