I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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