I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
