I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
