my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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