It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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