Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
