come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
