NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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