I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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