We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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